House Arrest

I have no choice. Not that I have committed infraction of the law nor have I joined a rally against the government. ALS is the culprit. It makes you weak and feeling so tired that the option of going out becomes next to impossible, not to mention the mess you will create in the dining table. December is the hardest month to ignore if you are staying at home. The same season last year I was already busy shopping for gifts and wrapping them. How I like to wrap things! ( I have the skill, you know ). The Christmas tree and the lights will be taken out from where they hibernate to be decorated and presented. This year I will miss some parties, concerts, caroling, “simbang gabi”, but mostly I will miss the cold breeze outside as I come home from PM duty, to admire the glitters of decors everywhere, even buying “bibingka” (rice cake) and “ puto bumbong”(cylindrical rice cake) on my way home. Yes, I do miss all of these and more but God has His own way of bringing joy and not merely happiness based on happenings. He sends a fellowship group on a regular basis to share His faithfulness and to strengthen one another. He sends friends and loved ones and even people I don’t know who tells me they are praying for my healing since they knew of my condition. He sends E-mails of daily devotions and greetings and wishes for recovery. He even sends surprised packages from afar, places I haven’t been to. And constantly, He shows the love of a mother, a brother, a sister and a nephew. God is so good and house arrest is not so bad at all.

Thank you, God, for little things
That often come our way_
The things we take for granted
but don’t mention when we pray
The unexpected courtesy,
the thoughtful, kindly deed
A hand reached out to help us
in the time of sudden need_
Oh, make us more aware, dear God,
of little daily graces
That come to us with “sweet surprise”
from never-dreamed-of places.
- H. S. R.

May de Jesus-Aquino’ 80
December 12, 2007

Rewind

Someone close to my heart gave me a book sometime this month. Every time I receive one I always read the dedication first. The date, I noticed, instead of 2007 she wrote 2004 by mistake. My mind drifted to that particular year. What have I been doing three years earlier? What were my plans? The term ALS was a stranger to me then. It will not introduce itself to me until after two more years.

Three years ago I was doing what I love the most: being a Nurse. Half of my 27 years in this profession was in bedside nursing- actual, hands-on care giving. As a nurse supervisor, 2004 gave me the opportunity to respond to challenging roles of being a teacher, adviser, mentor, role- model and a friend. It was a year full of life and dreams. Two friends suggested we pursue PhD. I began counting years, told them jokingly by the time we finish the degree, only a few more years and it will be retirement for me.

Now we know that I will no longer be looking forward to retirement as soon as I stopped working since July of this year. But what was significant in 2004?
It was the year I started to ask the Lord to bless my desire to sing and pray for the sick and the dying, specially the dying. I remember praying and singing to a young, mentally challenged girl in a coma…” in heaven, no more sickness, no more pain”, I read from Our Daily Bread.
“…only what is done for Christ will last.”

By the way, the title of the book is Always a Springtime by Helen Steiner Rice.

For life on earth is a transient affair,
Just a few brief years in which to prepare
For a life that is free from pain and tears
Where time is not counted by hours or years
-H.S.R.
May de Jesus-A. , Oct. 25, 2007 (Manila)

SEEDLESS GRAPES

What you are about to read is not a recipe for fruit salad, although it won’t hurt to try this one. Since I got sick, my home became busy with visitors: co-workers, friends, relatives, brethren from my home church, fellowship groups from other churches, and neighbors. When they come they usually bring something with them: flowers, biscuits, fruit juices and fruits. Wow! mango,atis, pomelo, banana, apple, sampaloc, ponkan, papaya, pineapple, longgan, rambutan and lanzones. I love to eat all of them but there’s a slight problem. On my own I can’t. I’m not able to open, peel, scoop or cut these succulent fruits. That’s when I realized the truth that no man is an island. One needs another to be able to appreciate all the good things God provides. We must be grateful of the people around us. Oops, before I forget, about the seedless grapes , I enjoy them a lot because they need only to be washed and just pop them in your mouth. If you will ask , “where’s the challenge in that?” Then you must have learned something from this story.

Little bird in the sky,
Dropped a poopoo in my eye,
I didn’t scream I didn’t cry,
I just thanked God
Carabaos don’t fly!
-Anon

24 k and more...

Pure gold. Precious. I’m not referring to your jewelries. The other day I got a call from someone very dear to me. She said, “We’ll take you out to lunch tomorrow.” I started to cry .I said, “I’ll just be a burden to you all.” She retorted, “we are all nurses, we know what to do, we can manage.” I said yes, put down the phone and cried and cried and cried. I’ve never been out, not since my condition worsened. The four corners of my humble home became my space; I felt safe inside. To MOA (Mall of Asia) at last! Never been there yet. Ate delicious Thai food and sipped coffee in between banana cake bites. The variety of topics as we exchange stories permeated the air. We laughed, we enjoyed the moment. You might be wondering, what’s so special about this story? The people I was with. They are the ones that made my day a memorable one. They are VIPs with 1001 list of things to do but chose to be with me for a day. What do they have in common? Jesus in their lives. In them you’ll see a heart of gold and so much more. Priceless. The 24k Ladies : Dean Edna Imperial :prof. wheelchair driver; a true friend Ate Ela: florist ,prof. singer-caregiver Tita Goody: humble, sophisticated whose feet always touch the ground. Ate Alice: her place to MOA in one leap! Dedicated. Dean S and Dean P: the heart & soul + brain Prof. Choir. Not a lady, Anton :DJ of Fav Hymns

Accidental

A week ago I was informed I needed to go to SSS office in Binondo, Manila. I began to worry. With my present condition traveling will be a problem. But if I want to be paid for my extended sick leave, I got to do it. That night I prayed specifically for this. The next day, accompanied by my brother, we boarded a taxi and proceeded to our destination. Once there, my brother tried to assist me and accidentally raised my right hand. I screamed in pain-so excruciating that I began to shake and cry. The security guard came toward us and upon seeing my condition volunteered to call the doctor to see me in the taxi. The kind doctor after seeing my papers interviewed me for less than 3 minutes and approved the sick leave. As we were leaving the area, I prayed silently to God, thanking Him for His mysterious ways-there was no need for me to go inside a crowded building and queue. What just happened was no accident. It was meant to be.

Beautiful

Life in Slo-Mo Beautiful. That's how you describe it when you are watching a scene from a movie done in slow motion. But not in real life. Frustrated, angry, exhausted: first three words to describe your feelings for not being able to function the way your body parts should. fingers that won't hold when you need to clip your nails or turn a key ; hands that won't grip when you want a glass of water or just shake hands; feet that won't step right to where you want to be; legs that are restless whether you are awake or asleep; body that is in constant pain. Then comes sadness as reality sets in, sleepless nights full of tears, days full of struggles. I was diagnosed to have ALS after 9 months of MRI,CT Scans, Ultrasound, Blood exams, X-rays and P.E.'s and 10 doctors. This progressive disease now marked its 12 month this September. It's now difficult even to dress up, i need somebody to help me do this act. Before ALS, I was a nurse supervisor in a private hospital and a part-time lecturer in a college of nursing. Most of the time I pray for health & strength for I'm the bread-winner. BUT GOD HAS OTHER PLANS He showed me that in whatever situation I may be, He is in control . Everyday I experience His faithfulness. Now I can say "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL IN SLO-MO"